Fortune Cookie Prophecy Part 2: The Surf Cincinnati Abandoned Miniature Golf Classic

The prophecy of a "delightful journey" laid out by the fortune cookie in Part 1 had so far come true when Gozer and I explored the remains of forgotten Lancaster Street earlier in the day. However, we weren't done yet, so would the fortune hold up? So far the day had been good, but there was still urban exploring to be done as the USS Rio Grande weaved in and out of slower traffic on I-75. The sun was steadily fading as we made a pit stop at my parent's house, where my golf clubs spend the winter. I was going to need two of them as the Star Trek nicknamed car rushed up a hill and began sliding across an icy parking lot that overlooked what had once been Surf Cincinnati. I knew that the former waterpark I swam at many times as a kid and explored in the early days of my urban exploration photography had been demolished, but this was the first time I had really seen the change. In place of a waterpark that once entertained thousands and became an abandoned playground for myself - was a church:

- The "City of Destiny" that now occupies the site of what once was Surf Cincinnati.
In case you missed the update last year, I documented what Surf Cincinnati had been. It was a waterpark. I have a lot of memories of going there back when it was still open. Eventually it was closed and left to sit quietly in a Scooby-Doo ghost town kind of way. It was the first abandoned location that I really visited and documented through photography. It was one of my favorite places to shoot and explore from when I got into all of this in 2006, right up until I heard it was demolished in 2009. In case you haven't seen the update I featured on QC/D about it, here's a link. I knew the demolition had been coming, but it was kind of surreal seeing how the whole landscape had changed.

- Circa 2006 aerial photograph showing the full size of Surf Cincinnati. [Image from Bing Maps]
- Circa 2009 aerial photograph from the same viewpoint. [Image from Bing Maps]
I have nothing against anyone's faith or any type of religion (except Scientology, that shit is a scam Tom Cruise) and I realize that a place of communal worship may be a better use for land than a decaying, abandoned amusement park. However, I couldn't believe how ugly this church that I was staring at across the parking lot was. Maybe it's because I grew up going to beautiful St. Ann's in Hamilton, Ohio or had grown to appreciate the kind of ecclesiastical architecture that I had learned about in art history classes. Maybe I just missed the hours I had spent photographing an abandoned place that I had a personal connection to. Regardless, I felt that you could slap a "Wal-Mart" logo on the front entrance and replace the crosses with that smiling "rollback" face and call it a day if you ever needed a new "supercenter" in the area.

- Remains of the Surf Cincinnati go-kart course.
The church and its massive parking lot's construction hadn't taken all of Surf Cincinnati with it though. Of the few things remaining, the go-kart track (seen above) was one of them. The pool for the bumper boats was there as well and also what we had come for: the miniature golf course.

This picture taken from Surf Cincinnati's former website (last updated in 1997) shows what all three attractions had looked like when they were open:


On this particular day, Gozer and I had come to play in the first ever "Surf Cincinnati Miniature Golf Classic," at least the first since the park was abandoned. You might be wondering why we decided to play when the temperature was freezing and the ground was covered in snow. Two reasons:

1. I first had the idea over the summer, but my time was pretty well occupied.
2. I am horrified of snakes. A mini-golf course devoid of human life and overgrown with standing water and vegetation seemed like perfect snake territory. At least when it's cold, I didn't run the risk of having to putt around some slithering vermin.

- A collapsed plastic sign marks where "The Chip Shot" golf course originally began.
A lot of people think my time in life revolves around work, photography, abandoned buildings, the internet, beer and the Reds. This is not entirely true, there's a few other priorities sprinkled in here and there and when I get some free time, I actually do enjoy playing Golf. I'm actually so good that I once convinced some executives at Titliest to sponsor me with my own brand of QC/D golf balls cleverly designed to look like they had been marked with a Sharpie marker.

- QC/D custom golf balls by Titliest.
Gozer had her own golf balls too, but she just took them out of the box and wrote on them with a Sharpie. Pssh... amateur.


Now, miniature golf (or "putt-putt" as some call it) has always been a good place to take someone on a date, but when your girlfriend likes exploring abandoned places as much as you do, abandoned miniature golf makes a great date. We had the balls and two old putters of mine (no way was I going to scratch up my Ben Hogan putter here), but the greens were covered in snow.


With no shovels available and running out of daylight, we quickly used our feet to brush off as much snow as possible. It wasn't the most effective tactic, but it worked...kind of.


We lined up on the "first hole," which was really just the first hole we could find that didn't require a machete to walk through, and agreed it would be a "par 2 (meaning: it should only take you two tries to make it in the hole)."

- Lining up my putter for the shot. Photo by Gozer.
After a few practice swings, I smacked my ball across the snow covered, water saturated fairway towards the hole.


Gozer followed up my first shot with one of her own, banking her ball off the brick pavers that lined that hole. Her shot was mere inches from being a hole-in-one.


I lined up and took my next shot like Maverick firing at Jester below the hard deck, sinking the ball into the hole for a par. Gozer followed it up with a par of her own, tying the game.

We moved on to find another hole. The wooden posts that had once held up the course lights were now rotting and supporting shards of broken glass. This isn't a course you can play once the sun goes down.


With daylight running out and a winner yet to be determined, we used our feet to hastily clear off another green. The only problem was that we couldn't find the physical hole. It must've been covered under the mountains of dead leaves and brush. Instead, we just made a circle in the snow and agreed that your ball had to be within the circle lines to be considered "in the hole."


We also agreed that this hole, which had once been hole 15, would be a par 3. It featured a new obstacle - a rock face overlooking a tiny pond that you had to clear.


Gozer took the first shot, clearing the pond and landing safely on the other side, but still quite far from the hole.

- Gozer lines up here shot on "hole 2" which was once "hole 15."
I lined up my shot and hit the ball. I cleared the obstacle and watched my ball bounce up the sides and stop about an inch away from being in "the hole." Gozer needed three more strokes before she finished the hole - I only needed one.

- The winner: Gordon Bombay.
The final score:
Gordon - 4 (1 under Par)
Gozer - 6 (1 over Par)

In golf, the person with the lowest score wins - in this case, me. What was my trophy? A one-of-a-kind historical artifact - an original Surf Cincinnati "Chip Shot Golf Course" ball found amongst the brush.


All in all, looking back on the day, the fortune cookie prophecy from Part 1 had come true. That day had indeed been a "delightful journey." Maybe you should take your fortune cookie more seriously the next time you get Chinese takeout?

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Previous Update :: January 23, 2011 - "Fortune Cookie Prophecy Part 1: Lancaster St."

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Fortune Cookie Prophecy Part 1: Lancaster St.

I didn't have much around my apartment for breakfast. Some Grippo's BBQ chips, frozen corn dogs, lemonade and two fortune cookies was about all there was. A small cookie made of flour, sugar, vanilla and oil with a message inside it seemed like a good thing to eat. I don't usually put any faith in the "fortunes" found within these takeout accompanying deserts, but since Gozer and I were about to go exploring, this one seemed like a good sign:

- "You are about to embark on a most delightful journey!"
Was today's journey going to be delightful though? Exploring in the winter has its drawbacks. Daylight doesn't last as long (especially when you wake up at noon) and its generally cold out. I had a few things in mind to see that day but wasn't exactly sure if they were still there and if they were still standing - if they were, how interesting would they be? I didn't want to wander around for hours in the cold to find nothing or something boring to photograph. So hopefully the prophecy put forth by the breakfast fortune cookie was going to come true.

- The Forgotten Rail Station at Torrence Rd.
Gozer and I were in search of an abandoned street, Lancaster St., to be exact. According to some internet research, the street had a forgotten tunnel which could be found beneath the tracks of the Oasis Line railroad that borders Riverside Dr. and Columbia Pkwy. The suggested location offered by the internet didn't pan out, so we decided to take a gamble as we cruised up Riverside looking for The Forgotten Rail Station at Torrence Rd. I figured the Lancaster St. tunnel had to be somewhere near the abandoned rail station that Jeffy and I had explored and featured in an update back in 2009. Gozer and I parked the USS Rio Grande (the nickname for her car due to its resemblance of the Star Trek ship of the same name) and found some crumbling hillside steps, which we used to get up to the railroad.

- Crumbling steps leading to the railroad embankment.
All across the city, Cincinnati's hills are dotted with hillside steps. Nearly 400 sets of steps are maintained by the city, they were built into hillsides in an effort to connect neighborhoods and roads. The steps are recognizable by the unique metal handrails they use. Over time and for various reasons, certain sets of steps were abandoned. Riverside Dr. is littered with steps that once connected uphill (like the one seen above), now cutoff by Columbia Pkwy. Not only were the steps abandoned, but entire roads as well, such as the aforementioned Torrence Rd.

Upon reaching the railroad embankment, we had to make a choice. Go right or left.

- Looking Eastward (right) down the Oasis Line.

- Looking Westward (left) down the Oasis Line towards downtown. Mt. Adams seen at center.
The forgotten train station was to the right. I figured that if what we were looking for was there, we would've seen it when Jeffy and I had been there. So we went to the left, heading back towards downtown along the railroad tracks that eventually dead end at Sawyer Point. Thankfully, the sun was out this day, so it wasn't incredibly cold as we made our way down the tracks, walking behind a mix of homes that needed some upkeep and newer condos. At one point the tracks cross over the street on a bridge with no railing. We had to precariously walk on the wooden railroad ties, making sure to not drop our feet through or fall to the road below as we waved to passing drivers who looked up.


A train coming our way could've ended our day in a hurry. That is, if trains used these tracks often or if they could go fast through the area (they don't and they can't). The only times these tracks see use anymore is when the Ringling Brothers Circus comes to town or the Cincinnati Dinner Train comes by. The circus isn't due until March and the dinner train only runs on Saturday, so we ignored the warning sign about the tracks being in use. The sign pictured above would have more weight though, had these tracks been re-purposed. In 2002, they would've been used in the Metro Moves Light Rail plan and been used for rail transit. However, Hamilton County voted it down, so the tracks sit quiet while commuters clog neighboring Riverside Dr. and Columbia Pkwy each morning and afternoon with automobile traffic. Even today, the tracks would be an excellent right-of-way for commuter trains connecting the East side to downtown.

- A syringe found along the tracks.
A few miles into the walk, I was beginning to wonder if we were going to find what we were looking for. All we had found was a syringe, a car seat and plenty of old railroad remnants.



Then the remains of infrastructure could be seen, breaking up the monotony of seeing nothing but trees and trash for the past half hour. The rusted remains of an iron fence could be seen next to the tracks.


Immediately, I knew we were in the right place. The fence was of the same design that we had seen at the abandoned train station. Before we went down to the tunnel though, we noticed more forgotten hillside steps. We decided to check those out first.

- More forgotten hillside steps.
The brush that had grown up around the steps and their subsequent decay made them appear as if they were from some ancient civilization, not infrastructure that had been abandoned approximately forty years ago. As we climbed higher up the steps, the brush got thicker and thicker, a machete would've come in handy.

- Gozer trying to push her way through the brush.
The steps reached a dead end, right up to the concrete barrier wall of Columbia Pkwy.


On the way back down, I noticed something in the woods. It was a tent, but by the looks of it, the inhabitant had moved on. The tent was sagging down, with shoes and various belongings left strewn about the campsite. I asked: "Anyone home?" but received no answer. Whoever had been squatting here next to the tracks was gone.


The hillside steps had once connected to another set of stairs that lead to the tunnel beneath the tracks.


Since being abandoned though, presumably with the construction of Columbia Pkwy which cut off the hillside steps from the neighborhoods above, the tunnel and steps have become a blank canvas for graffiti artists.


The stairs are littered with dead leaves and empty 40 oz. bottles, while the familiar hand rails are slowly rusting and falling apart.


Ironically, the stairs look like the kind of infrastructure you'd see connecting a city sidewalk above to a railway below ground, like that of the abandoned Cincinnati Subway. In this case however, they connect a sidewalk that's below to a railway above. The sidewalk runs through a small tunnel. The tunnel itself isn't that impressive or big. It, like the steps, is tagged up with graffiti representing profanity and sexual references rather than art. However, the tunnel is an interesting forgotten relic of a road no longer used.

- The tunnel.
- The brickwork of the tunnel walls has been tagged with the markings of vandals who drew references to the male sexual organ.
- Gozer photographing the remains of Lancaster Street.
On the other side of the tunnel are the remains of an asphalt path that reaches out to Riverside Drive. The tunnel itself is obscured from sight by a housing structure, which explains why we couldn't find it earlier when driving.

- Lancaster Street.

In the center of the tunnel entrance is a set of markings that appear to say: "1914." However, the third digit in between the 9 and the 4 is missing. How its missing, I don't know, I assumed it would've been etched into the rock like the other numbers.


- The tunnel.
On the other side of the tunnel is an overgrown asphalt path that connects with Riverside Dr. The path itself is hardly wide enough for a car to drive on, much less get inside the tunnel. Maybe the road was changed when houses along Riverside were demolished or the one currently in place was built, but it seemed the road was merely a pedestrian only right-of-way, meant to connect Riverside with the hillside steps. Despite the fact that you can't find the street on Google Maps, a newer sign is in place marking its existence, even if that existence is a forgotten one.


The prophecy foretold by the fortune cookie had come true, that day was a delightful journey, but it wasn't over yet. We hopped back in the USS Rio Grande and headed for the opposite side of town. I needed to go pick up my golf clubs, because we still had plans for some more abandoned fun that day...


...but more on that in part 2.

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Previous Update :: January 16, 2011 - "Monster Trucks at the Gardens."

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Monster Trucks at the Gardens

January might as well have been "Monster Truck Month" in Cincinnati. For three weekends straight, the Cincinnati market was saturated with three different touring circuits of over-sized pickup trucks that drive around and crush cars. Last week there as an event at the US Bank Arena downtown, next week there's one at the Bank of Kentucky Center on NKU's campus, but this week there were monster trucks at the best arena in town: the Cincinnati Gardens.


I'm not kidding. Nothing beats the Gardens. It's by far my favorite arena. The place is historical and has character. While the Bank of Kentucky Center may be the nicest and newest, the Gardens has a rich history. Its appearance may seem dated and the scoreboard lacks modern video technology, but its a much better venue for hockey than the drab, 1970's era US Bank Arena (formerly Firstar Center, The Crown and Riverfront Coliseum (although USBA does have the coolest zamboni driver)). The seats are perfectly situated for the building's original purpose: hockey, and the steel beams supporting the roof blend in nicely with the wooden seats.


The Gardens has had a long list of tenants in its days, including numerous minor league hockey teams. One of the most notable teams was the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks of the American Hockey League (one step below the premier National Hockey League), whose remnants can still be found around the arena.


Back when SpikeTV was TNN and US Bank Arena was the Firstar Center, there was a weekly monster truck show called "Monster Jam" (not the current one, the old one from the late 90's). My dad had gotten free tickets to one of the shows at the Firstar Center and took myself and a neighborhood friend. That was probably somewhere around 97 or 99 and was the last time I had been to a monster truck show. With three weekends of car smashing fun to choose from in the area, the Gardens was undoubtedly the best choice. The old cliche motor sports event saying goes: "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY," so on Sunday, we went to go watch some giant trucks smash some cars and there were other things.

- Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) for us, Natty Light was the Sunday happy hour special. One fine (not really) can for just a dollar.
Every time I walk into the Gardens it brings back memories of Mighty Ducks games. The place smells like minor league hockey and has had that smell ever since I can remember (it's a subtle mix between a locker room and burnt popcorn). I kept boasting to my girlfriend and friends about how awesome the place was as we walked up from the gravel parking lot to the ticket window. We picked up the cheapest ticket and a few beers before taking our seats. The show began with the playing of a recording of the National Anthem as everyone except the family in front of us stood up and faced the American flag, whose white stripes seemed to be looking a little yellow with age. Then there was some muffled announcement and a clown who came out in a tiny monster truck to excite the crowd by saying "show me some love" - to which most people in the audience cheered. Then the trucks start up and they take turns smashing cars.



The clown and trucks are not the only form of entertainment though. They also had ATV racing in which three riders supposedly from Dayton square off against three riders allegedly from Cincinnati. I think they do this in every city to try and work up the crowd based on an emotional reaction due to nearby rivalries (like how everyone knows that Dayton is just a minor league Cincinnati). "Team Dayton" won the first race and their "captain" spoke to the audience about how he disliked Cincinnati, further portraying team Dayton as the "bad guys." Then, that clown came back.


The clown's name is Bobby Cox. At first we were confused, wondering why the former Atlanta Braves manager was now doing this. Turns out, its a different guy who regularly performs at monster truck events. He seemed to be a hit with the kids in the audience, but since we couldn't hear a thing he was saying from where we sat, his bit got old kind of quick. I was able to hear him ask for a volunteer kid in the audience from age 4 (I quickly raised my hand along with the other children) to 10 (I lowered my hand, realizing I missed the age cutoff by eleven years). From then on there was about ten minutes of talking which culminated in this kid walking away with a free bike:


Then there was more trucks smashing cars:


An intermission was given to allow the dust to clear out of the arena so we took an opportunity to go get some popcorn. Along the way we wound up in a stairwell and then in a hallway that was apparently once the offices for the Mighty Ducks and Railraiders (the hockey team that was to replace the ducks, but never took the ice). The walls and tile of the hallway still had the Duck's colors, reminiscent of the 1990's Mighty Duck movies.


Stopping at the concession stand, we noticed that the "Happy Hour" special of $1 Natural Light cans had ended. In a way this was a good thing, because I don't even think Natty Light is worth a dollar, so I saved my money (I do think the Gardens should work out a promotion for future events with $1 cans of Hudy, that would be awesome). We picked up a tub of popcorn. I don't know what it is about popcorn at the Gardens, but they have the best. It's buttery, salty and a really good complement to monster truck shows or hockey.

- Hungry?
The intermission ended and they began the show again with the clown and then the trucks. This time though, the trucks were competing to see who could jump the highest into the air.




This event however made me question the integrity of the scoring and points system. Instead of going to judges, the announcer would ask the audience who was their favorite and point to a truck. Whenever he pointed to "Bigfoot," that truck got the loudest cheers despite the fact that he had not actually jumped the highest. This was much different than I remember the late 90's t.v. show on TNN where they had judges. It all seemed like a really arbitrary way to choose a winner. I mean, come on, most of those people were just cheering for Bigfoot cause they recognized the brand name. His fellow drivers must get pissed each weekend when they constantly lose to that guy just cause he's driving "Bigfoot." In all seriousness though, I realize it's just a show.


Wouldn't you know it though, "Team Dayton" just had to rear their ugly Gem City heads. They raced their ATV's against "Team Cincinnati" and won the second race. However, the Dayton "captain" seemed very receptive to the announcer's offer for an "all or nothing, winner take all rematch." I just hoped "Team Cincinnati" (or rather, the group of ATV riders claiming to be from Cincinnati) could pull it through this time.


They did. Cincinnati won and the Dayton guys retreated backstage defeated and broken. One guy really did get hurt though when he got knocked off the ATV and fell really hard into the wall. He had to be helped off by paramedics.


The clown returned ...again. This time he said he had to, because they had to let more dust and fumes clear out to ensure air quality (they do this at US Bank Arena too). He launched some t-shirts off of his mini monster truck and told some corny jokes before the main event, in which the trucks put on a freestyle performance.




"Team Dayton" was defeated, the monster trucks were parked, the cars were thoroughly smashed, "Bigfoot" was crowned champion, the clown thanked the crowd and a long line of kids began forming in the concourse for autographs from the drivers who hang out afterwards. We began to leave, stopping to say hello to Charles, a Gardens legend and friend from Mighty Ducks games who I also worked with during a brief and regrettable employment at US Bank Arena.

- Charlie. Cincinnati's number 1 usher and local legend.

The show was loud, it was corny and it was best enjoyed with a beer in one hand, popcorn in the other. However, I had a great time. I love the Cincinnati Gardens. If anyone from the Gardens is reading this, please get pro hockey back in that building soon!

- Never forget!

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Previous Update :: January 15, 2011 - "Third Time's a Charm - Forgotten Cincinnati Returns."

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